Last week I shared with you two visions that the Lord had given me which you can found in my message on Intimacy In Him Part IV.
First I want to give you a little background before I explain to you the healing that took place in me. How I felt about my earthly father and how it affected my relationship with my heavenly father before the visions.
I had always imagined God to be this very stern, judgemental and legalistic father that had white hair, a white beard and always had a stern look on His face all of the time. I could just imagine Him up in Heaven watching my every movement and waiting for me to make a mistake so He could point His finger of judgement and condemnation at me. Believe me, I feared Him, but it wasn't the right kind of fear.
Truthfully I wasn't sure that He really loved me and I always felt like there was this great gap between us. I knew in my heart that I could pray and that He would hear me, but the Intimacy I longed to have with Him seemed to be out of my reach and I couldn't understand why.
I would cry out in desperation to Him and say, Lord what's wrong with me? I wanted so much to be able to call Him Papa Daddy and to say those words to Him in love and feel it in my heart, but I just couldn't get those words out. Emotionally I just couldn't relate to Him as a loving, caring, nurturing heavenly father.
Immediately after coming out of the visions I realized that God had performed a very powerful healing in my heart and in my soul. He then began revealing to me what He had done and why?
He took me back to my childhood and reminded me of an emotional experience that took place in the family room of the house I grew up in. I was just a young girl at the time and I remember feeling like I didn't even know my earthly father. One evening I was sitting in our family room watching television all by myself and my father walked into the room and sat down in his lounging chair. For some reason I remember feeling uncomfortable around him and not knowing what to say. It was as if I couldn't even breath and that he was like a stranger sitting there, yet I knew he was my father. The feeling was so strong that I had to get up and leave the room.
I loved my dad but I never felt any love from him, nor did he show it outwardly to me. He was a good provider, took us to church and prayed for us when we were sick and at times tried to make us laugh when we were sick. But never was there any hugs and kisses from him that I remember. Mom was the loving and nurturing one that I could always count on. She and my three other sisters were very close and mom tried to give us enough love to make up for what my father didn't. It wasn't until years later did I realized that my earthly father did love me and that realization came on my wedding day. As we started down the isle walking arm in arm he started to cry and I realized for the first time in my life that he did love me. This was the beginning of the healing process for me.
After the visions the Lord showed me that I had been relating to God the same way I had related to my earthly father. And every negative and distorted image I had of my earthly father was affecting the way I saw and related to God. I hadn't felt or experienced the love, acceptance and affection from my earthly father that was so important in a little girls formative years. So later in my teen years the insecurities and low self esteem surfaced. This caused a void and a hole in my heart that only God could fill. I was insecure and self conscious, because I felt rejected and unloved. Those tender years of emotional, psychological development and growth had been distorted and stunted. And the effects of stuffing and burying the hurt, rejection and insecurity caused me to built up walls of protection so no one could get in.....not even God. My Soul was sick and wounded and desperately needed to be healed.
This drastically effected the way I perceived things in my mind and the way things were filtered through my soul. So as I began to walk with the Lord, study His word and confirmation after confirmation came to confirm the call on my life, I knew there had to be more. It was like he wouldn't let me rest and stay comfortable in the place that I was in our relationship. I knew I needed to keep pushing into Him and the scripture that kept ringing in my ear was: Matthew 7:7-8
Verse 7: Ask and it shall be given to you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you.
Verse 8: For everyone who ask received, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it shall be opened.
As I continued asking God to show me what was blocking the Intimacy between us, He would tell me to keep seeking Him and allow Him to knock at the door of my heart. Little did I realize that the key He would use for healing would be to open up and expose the things in my soul.
Right before the visions began, He revealed to me that the groaning and pain I felt was coming from deep within my very being that houses the emotions, soul & spirit. He was using this to break open and expose all the hurt and insecurity's so deeply buried years ago. In the first vision if you remember, I was sitting on the lap of Jesus and He was tenderly loving me and making me feel secure in His presence. Through this He showed me that He came in and replaced the rejection with His acceptance. The lack of affection from my earthly father was being replaced with the love of the father. And through His touch He healed my heart and cleansed my mind. And I could now call Him Papa Daddy and mean it from the bottom of my heart.
And Intimacy was birthed with my heavenly father and an understanding and forgiveness came for my earthly father. The door to Intimacy In Him was opened and through this Intimacy I was able to reach higher, grow deeper and mature in character. I then knew who I was as a woman, minister and I knew I was His child.
Be encourage, He's not finished with us yet: "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians. 1:6
Blessings,
Elma Garlock
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